April 26th 2014


I can't believe it has been so long since I have posted anything on this blog site.
We have moved several times, we have a granddaughter and another on the way, Michael has found a new place of employment, my mom and grandpa have passed away, My daughter is very sick with Crohn's disease and all the while I am still fighting to be healthy.
I am no longer providing childcare as I am disabled now due to the Chiari and Fibromyalgia.
My husband Michael has been wonderful and such an awesome caretaker. I am very blessed.
Much of what has gotten me through rough day's are my husband and my faith in God.


This is it for the day kids. Rain is on the way which really sets off symptoms for me.


Be blessed,
lolo

Wow! it's been a while

Hi all,
I sooo miss my Chiari friends.

So, Living in a small apartment as Resident Managers with Hillcrest Ministries is great! We have the space for about 20 families. Rehabbing has gone slow but we finally have several units ready to go. Michael and I love being here and just know the way it all panned out was a total God thing.

My mom ~ WOW what a different relationship we have with her being terminally ill. Not that things have changed alot on my part~that nasty,negitive,ole bithcy woman is gone and now I have this much gentler woman as my mom and our time is limited.She has gone through 3 rounds of chemo and we have now found out that she has blocked arteries. Of course she has lost all of her hair, She is very cute and since April she has lost over 70 pounds. She is living with my grandparents. I am so thankful they have the space and still in their 80's the ability to care for her. We talk every day and I am over there doing what I can at least twice a week. We still are not clear on how much time we have but I have let go of all the crap and am just enjoying her now. On her really bad days I must admit I do pray God will take her so she doesn't have to suffer. One of the big things causing both she and I stress right now is my sister. Stacy has become very manic.She says we all want her (my sister) dead and that I say she is the reason my mom and I are sick.She lives so far away that she is not here for the day to day things with my mom or myself so I feel that some of what Stacy is feeling is guilt. Stacy left a message with Michael and my daughter last Friday that she was going into the hospital for a couple of weeks. I spent most of my morning calling hospitals and the only numbers I have looking for her and I came up with nothing. If you are reading this and pray I would ask that you please lift Stacy and her family up.

I have applied for SSD. This past weekend I did the mental evaluation and physical exam. Of course I expect to be denied at least my first time.
One of my biggest issues right now is my blood pressure. We have had a hard time getting it under control since May. The highest was just the other day at 154/104. My Fibromyalgia is just out of control. I was supposed to see Dr.Oro the 28th of May for my TC surgery but my family doctor would not release me for that surgery due to the blood pressure. The issues are endless it seems but I just lay in bed instead of shaking my fist at our Lord. After all I am not dying as is my mom so I just try to cope. Michael and my kids are very good to me and are very understanding of my daily pain and the fact that I can make plans to do anything.

I hope you all are well. It's raining here so if it is in you r area too~try to stay dry.
Blessings,
Lolo

Sorry it has been so long

Well alot has happened since my last post.
We as of today are finally settled in to our new apartment. We did get the Hillcrest resident manager position. Alot of work still needs to be done here before we will have residents but it will all come together.
The day after we found out we did infact get this position my mom took herself to the hospital and very long story short~she has lung cancer. The tumor is the size of 3 softballs and grows daily. This small cell cancer is very aggresive and rare but her smoking has not helped anything. We hope to have until Christmas with her but it looks less likely with each passing day. Chemo will only by her a little time. Just this weekend we moved her in with my grandparents because she can no longer work and needs care.
I leave in 4 weeks~I think~ for my TC surgery and I hope and pray nothing happens to mom while I am gone.
It's time to forgive! I don't want her to go and we have any unresolved issues.
I think we have done well. Trying to work fulltime, be here on the Hillcrest property,Take care of my mom and myself was becoming very stressful and I know it will be stressful for my 80 year old grandparents but I think through all of us we will get it done.
I am so thankful for the support I have from our church family.
Just wanted to give a bit of an update.
I will try to stay in better touch.
With love,
Lolo

Just waiting

Our interview with the director with Hillcrest ministries went very well Wednesday night so now we are just waiting ti hear if we get the position as Resident Managers.
He said we would hear something the first of the week.
Why is waiting so hard???
It's almost as though we are depressed waiting to hear something~anything. I know I know~All in God's timing. I'm trying!!!
My toes are still turning blue. Now we have some painful tingling and it seems to be happening more often. Dr. Oro says to watch the way I sit. I guess I will have too cause i can't get there for surgery any sooner than May.
Love ya all,
Lolo

Did I tell you about my blue toes

I guess it has been a few days since I've posted. Well I have a few things to share.
I noticed a little over a week ago that my toes were turning blue. Between Michael ,mom and myself we kept an eye on them and decided that it was happening whenever I bent my knees like to cross my legs or sit indian style.Michael being a diabetic couldn't take it any more and took me to the Dr. They said I am not getting enough oxygen to my feet and that the blood is going down but not coming back up. Ok fine~ what do I do?? The doctor said it will probably continue to happen until I have my TC surgery and really didn't seem to concerned. Dr.Oro has been out of town so I haven't heard from him so I guess I'll just have blue toes and not worry.
Ok~another totally awsome thing is going on.
Our church sponsors a transitional (sp) housing program called HillCrest Ministries. The program just bought 1 city block in Kansas city Kansas (about 10 minutes from where we live now)There are 2 houses,2 duplexes and 4 ~4 plexes. The program is just starting in this new area and they need a resident manager team (michael and I). I am in a Sunday morning small group with Paul who happens to be on the board of this program and asked if we would be interested in the position. Can any one say YES!!!!! Anyway we went and saw the area and where we would live~in the duplex~2bedroom 1 bath kitchen all that stuff for $100 a month.
We spoke to our pastor and he already knew. Paul had spoken to him. We spoke to the associate pastor who guess what~ is on the board with HillCrest also. Any way we have to meet tomorrow night with the director and if it is a fit we move in ASAP.
This is soooo cool on so many levels.
We would be able to get back into missions ministry which we haven't been able to do since I got sick
We would be serving the Lord.
We would so be able to get out of debt with only $100 rent payment
We would be able to get out of my moms
We would be helping others and making new friends
I could go on an on but I will stop there.
We meet with ~Shawn~tomorrow night at 5:30. Tomorrow is also our 10 year wedding anniversary.
Is this a God thing or what.

Oh Monday Monday

Wow,I have to say I am surprised by how bad I feel today. My face,head,neck,shoulders and low back are clearly not happy today. I've taken the Flexiril and Vicodin and have yet to see much improvement so this post may be short.
We looked at a studio apartment and asked about a little loft in our area and found out that we or even just Michael make to much for us to live at these 2 places. Maybe we are where we are supposed to be for the time being. We have decided that we can't change my mom so we must change our attitudes to keep going. It wasn't bad this weekend. We all 3 actually had dinner together last night.
The smoke is still a super big issue. It is hard to stop smoking when you live with a smoker!!
But I won't be a victim of my circumstance!!
Keep on keeping on ya all,
Lolo

I've failed

I've failed at not smoking.
As little as I smoke~this is very hard. It couldn't be due to any stress issues I have. Ha!!
I went to see Sandra ~the therapist~yesterday.Just right off the top I knew she wasn't for me so I won't be going back but she like my family doctor and the Pastor told me I need to move. I have only been here 1 week people and I'm a nut!!! She did talk to me a little about the brain and stress and I have enough brain issues that I am really not doing myself any good. She said if she could prescribe me xanax she would.
Any way she was nice enough and I was glad to of gone but I need something more Christian based.
I don't know where you live but here in Missouri it is sooo nice. It is about 72 and just a little breezey.I got out and got a hair cut and did a little shopping for little Sydney for her first Easter (Sydney is the baby I nanny for). A little shopping therapy always helps in making one feel better.
We are going to go tomorrow and look at a studio apartment. Michael would like for us to be able to make it here at moms until July when I go back to work after TC surgery but that is reall really far away. Can I just say we made a HUGE mistake in even thinking it could work here.I had no idea it was going to be so hard. I had no idea I had issues with my mom. Talking to someone on the phone is much different than living with them.
On another note~ my dad is finally starting to recover nicely from his surgery. He developed an infection a couple of days after he got home so they opened him back up and packed him with gauze that needs to be changed nightly. I was able to tell dad that I was sorry for our past relationship and that I am so thankful I am getting to know him. He is a great guy but thanks to my mom I never got to know this. Not only is my dad pretty great but I even like my step-mom.They have been married for 17 years.
Joshua as of yesterday is revoked.Because this is his second DWI in less than 5 years he is not supposed to drive for 1 year. He hasn't said much of anything about how it's going being back at his dads. I told him when he was ready to come back to grandma's let me know.
Sierra is doing well. This semster is a hard one for her but she is doing what she needs to to graduate at semster next year.
My neck and feet are very unhappy today so I think I will close and take it easy.
If you are a prayer please lift up Michael. He is fasting. We really just want to feel and know for sure where it is that the Lord is wanting us. This is really big for Michael. He is a diabetic so he rarely fasts but he too is really hurting and uncertain of what's to come.
JOY,
Lolo