Thursday, March 5, 2009

I've failed

I've failed at not smoking.
As little as I smoke~this is very hard. It couldn't be due to any stress issues I have. Ha!!
I went to see Sandra ~the therapist~yesterday.Just right off the top I knew she wasn't for me so I won't be going back but she like my family doctor and the Pastor told me I need to move. I have only been here 1 week people and I'm a nut!!! She did talk to me a little about the brain and stress and I have enough brain issues that I am really not doing myself any good. She said if she could prescribe me xanax she would.
Any way she was nice enough and I was glad to of gone but I need something more Christian based.
I don't know where you live but here in Missouri it is sooo nice. It is about 72 and just a little breezey.I got out and got a hair cut and did a little shopping for little Sydney for her first Easter (Sydney is the baby I nanny for). A little shopping therapy always helps in making one feel better.
We are going to go tomorrow and look at a studio apartment. Michael would like for us to be able to make it here at moms until July when I go back to work after TC surgery but that is reall really far away. Can I just say we made a HUGE mistake in even thinking it could work here.I had no idea it was going to be so hard. I had no idea I had issues with my mom. Talking to someone on the phone is much different than living with them.
On another note~ my dad is finally starting to recover nicely from his surgery. He developed an infection a couple of days after he got home so they opened him back up and packed him with gauze that needs to be changed nightly. I was able to tell dad that I was sorry for our past relationship and that I am so thankful I am getting to know him. He is a great guy but thanks to my mom I never got to know this. Not only is my dad pretty great but I even like my step-mom.They have been married for 17 years.
Joshua as of yesterday is revoked.Because this is his second DWI in less than 5 years he is not supposed to drive for 1 year. He hasn't said much of anything about how it's going being back at his dads. I told him when he was ready to come back to grandma's let me know.
Sierra is doing well. This semster is a hard one for her but she is doing what she needs to to graduate at semster next year.
My neck and feet are very unhappy today so I think I will close and take it easy.
If you are a prayer please lift up Michael. He is fasting. We really just want to feel and know for sure where it is that the Lord is wanting us. This is really big for Michael. He is a diabetic so he rarely fasts but he too is really hurting and uncertain of what's to come.

1 comment:

Overflowing Brain said...


You haven't failed. Not even a little. You've stumbled. And who could blame you? If it was this easy to stop smoking, there wouldn't be 8 trillion different stop smoking aids. It's difficult.

Take it one day at a time. Don't quit quitting because you had one bad day. It will get easier, but it will take time. You're doing a great thing, stay strong and you'll get there.

Really. You can do this. I have faith in you.